Dearest Texas

Some quick notes about your history and your present state:
1. Mexico graciously let you populate and use their land NSA! (craigslist for no strings attached.) However, things got ugly when they told you that they had abolished slavery over 100 years prior and were not down with you using slaves on their land. What did you do? You went to war with them. Remember the Alamo!
2. You continuously rank in the top fattest states in the nation.
3. You have pro republican propaganda in your schools as well as passing legislation in which you can leave facts out of history classes if it down plays: Texas, religion or anything close minded.
4. You say things like, "You don't mess with Texas" and "Every thing's bigger in Texas,"you're not even the biggest FUCKING state, Alaska is nearly twice your size and protects us from Russia! No way Hozay, look at this map, Alaska is barely the size of Hawaii.

So if you don't mess with Texas you most certainly do not even stare at Alaska from across the room or say something in passing behind it's back.
5. Your primary resource is crude oil, which is not renewable (it runs out,) and it pollutes the Earth and you call it Texas tea. Tea is good for you... Let's call it Texas drink.

America has nearly sequestered itself from the rest of the world. We as a race view ourselves as always being correct regardless of what the situation is. America is like going out with an Aries or Taurus, no matter how wrong they've been they are too stubborn to admit it. You guys have free health care? Fuck you, we're America, the greatest cuntry on Earth. Free education? Fuck you, we're America, the greatest cuntry on Earth. You guys now dominate the auto industry, an industry we started? Fuck you, we're America, the greatest cuntry on Earth.

Texas, is an America within an America. A place in where the civil war never happened and certain people should still use separate drinking fountains; unless they can run a football. (This rule is not applicable to Hollywood, where most football players are Aryan.)

In closing... Get a globe and check out Alaska,

a flawed two party system still works better than a tyrannical one party system, educate your children before the rest of the world is so beyond them that it's out of their reach, hit the track and be nice to Mexicans. Texas was their land to begin with and one day you might run out of oil and get so fat that we might try to return you.