Kerry is shopping for: milk, bread, etc. She has a small grocery basket partially filled. Kerry proceeds to the checkout as she eyes the smokes behind the counter and begins to contemplate purchasing them. She begins speaking to herself in the narrative.
CARRIE BRADSHAW
There are somethings that can calm a gal's nerves at the end of a long work day. A tall glass of wine. A massage from the butt-chinned/green eyed stud that randomly shows up to my yoga class. Online shopping. But, all of these can fail in comparison to a long, phallic cancer stick. I know I'm trying to quit and I know it's expensive and pointless but a girl has to take care of herself from time to time.
CHECKER
(interrupting)
Miss... MISS! Will that be everything?
CARRIE
Sorry, I'll take a pack of the generic brand that paid HBO, please.
$15 A MONTH
LATER THAT DAY OUTSIDE KERRY'S BUILDING
(Kerry notices guy from yoga walking across the street and chases him down.)
CARRIE
Hey! Kerry, from yoga, the woman who falls over and makes odd sounds.
ANTONIO
How could I forget. If it makes you feel better, I'm intoxicated at every yoga class as well. Do you live near by? I'm just in the area dropping off soup to the elderly couple that lives here, they have no one else, ya know?
CARRIE
That's so sweet of you to do that. You know I hear $28 dry martinis really help you recover from yoga and I make about 45k a year as a staff writer; which really enables me to live whatever lifestyle I want, in one of the most expensive cities in the world.
ANTONIO
I'd love to but.... I don't date smokers.
CARRIE
Well I suffer from PTS: PART TIME SMOKING.
ANTONIO
I really got to get going Kerry, nice seeing you.
CARRIE
(shouting as he walks away)
FINE! THIS IS THE ONLY SLIM I WANT IN OR AROUND MY MOUTH ANYWAY!
FELLATING BLOWS
ANTONIO
I really got to get going Kerry, nice seeing you.
CARRIE
(shouting as he walks away)
FINE! THIS IS THE ONLY SLIM I WANT IN OR AROUND MY MOUTH ANYWAY!
MEANWHILE ACROSS TOWN AT A MOSQUE CHARLOTTE IS CONFORMING TO A GUY SHE HAS BEEN SEEING, IKTAR- EVENING
CHARLOTTE
I don't know if I like how this bandanna makes me look.
NINJAESQUE
IKTAR
It's not a bandanna and it's very important women wear it where I come from.
CHARLOTTE
Whatever it's called, it is not flattering. I don't want to wear it.
IKTAR
Maybe you should just go home while I pray... I'll call you later.
LATER THAT WEEK CHARLOTTE SEES IKTAR WITH A NEW WOMAN AFTER NOT HEARING FROM HIM FOR 1 1/4 DAYS- LUNCH
CHARLOTTE
(GETS I CAN'T ACT LOOK ON HER FACE)
WHOA... (KEANU VOICE)
(FILL TIME WITH BUKAKE OF FASHION SCENES)
THE NEXT DAY CHARLOTTE TELLS THE STORY TO THE GIRLS OVER DRINKS- HAPPY HOUR
SAMANTHA
Darling, I'm telling you he doesn't want you, he's going to have all those virgins in heaven. Trust me. Everything is about sex and I fuck anyone and everyone I want. I'm empowered.
MIRANDA
Honey, just play it cool after 3 or 4 of those virgins he will want a real woman with experience.
CARRIE
Well you're all having better luck than me. I miss Aidan, it seemed like he was the only guy in this city who didn't care when a dame wanted to feel sexy and light up. I guess the smokes are a lot like men, (!metaphor alert!) they can be hazardous to your health but you still love them to death.
SAMANTHA
You poor thing. I'm going to a premier party for a slasher film a client of mine that I slept with 4 years ago. I'm sure it will be wall to wall with men. (!metaphor alert!) We'll be able to get whatever kind we want, probably even by the carton.
NIGHT OF THE PARTY- KERRY SEES ANTONIO THERE SMOKING AN E-CIGARETTE-NIGHT
ANTONIO
Carrie, how lovely seeing you here.
CARRIE
I thought you don't smoke?
ANTONIO
Oh, this is an E-Smoke. It only has nicotine and no chemicals AND it only emits vapor so you can smoke inside.
I ALSO DRIVE THIS AND I'M FULL OF VINEGAR!
CARRIE
(GETTING RILED UP)
Looks like it emits smug! You are so full of it. At least when I smoke I get the buzz of all the cancer causing chemicals. I'm not just trying to look cool.
ANTONIO
You also get stinky clothes.
CARRIE
Well sometimes things stink..... Except your shit, I guess!!! ZING!
(WALKS AWAY)
(KILL TIME WITH KERRY WALKING AROUND/SHOTS OF THE CITY)
I KNOW IT'S THE SAME PICTURE. DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME THE SIMPLE PREDICTABLE SHOW.
EPISODE COMES TO A CLOTHES- WITH KERRY AT HER COMPUTER-NIGHT
CARRIE
There's an old saying, "birds of a feather, flock together." At the end of the day, Iktar got his bandanna wearer. Charlotte wound up like Charlotte, alone. Antonio, despite his lack of smoking is trying to blow smoke up people's asses. And I'm still looking for a guy who cal love a gal who suffers from PTS. When we lay down and look over at that person next to us in bed, will the love you have for one another be enough to outweigh a cancer stick to unwind, or not wanting to wear a bandanna? Are these little things blocking the bigger picture for New Yorkers?
Maybe.
I'm going to step out for a smoke. Anybody got a light?
-KERRY
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