Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Andy Dufresne and Derek Vinyard: Hollywood's impact on gender bias rape

"Prison is no fairy-tale world," that is what Red says in the film, The Shawshank Redemption, you know the movie where Tim Robbins eats all those hard boiled eggs? The context of the quote is referring to "the sisters" repeatedly raping our protagonist, Andy, Andy is a likable guy falsely imprisoned for the murder of his wife and over the span of his time in prison chisels his way out to freedom, gives the warden what's coming to him and ends up in Mexico, presumably as a day laborer restoring a boat belonging to his employer.

or a space ship sucked him into space by his chest

What you don't see is the sleepless nights where Andy is screaming because in his dreams he relives all the gruesome gang rapes that went down in prison and ultimately loses his mind, starts an underground dog fighting ring to regain the control and winds up in prison again. (only to be raped some more) Why would the filmmakers leave such a vital part of Stephen King's original story and Andy's character development out of the film? (citation needed)  


See the thing with standard film making is that they need to fulfill gender roles, especially with our heroes and heroines to really move the story along. Therefore nothing can seriously break our male lead: months in solitary, unwanted games of pass the butthole, love of your life being murdered, etc. Crying? FUCK NO! Poetry? FUCK NO! Bleeding out of our vaginas? FUCK NO! Vulnerability? TRIPLE FUCK NO!

When a man's parents are murdered he don't get sad, he gets serious.

Men statistically commit suicide on a much higher rate than women over things like: job loss, loss of spouse, heartache, being outed on FB and shit like that. Being that we don't grow up really expressing our emotions the way women do, we have no healthy coping mechanisms. Now imagine trying to make the Shawshank Redemption and 3 months into his sentence, Andy marries one of the sisters, contracts AIDS and gives it to Red. (interracial is so in right now) All of a sudden we don't have such a feel good story, however, we probably have a better film and maybe even get to see more rape scenes but this time around they will be warm and romantic, just like....

Forrest fucking Gump...

What? The movie about that guy who didn't go full retard?



 Where was there a rape in that movie?

Forrest, happens to suffer from a little medical symptom known as MENTAL RETARDATION. However, Forrest grew up in a place and time far different from ours known as the "durty south" and to make things worse, it was the '50s. Now the durty south wasn't all champagne bottles in the VIP rooms of strip clubs as some rappers would have you believe. It was a place in which there was no middle class, segregation ran fierce and most doctors told you mental retardation could be cured through prayer and tobacco.
Your son's condition may also be caused from lack of participating in lynches.

Forrest grows up with a bee eff eff, Jenny, now her and Forrest have their differences but they end up together and even have a child. It seems cute and romantic, two soul-mates finally end up together and she spends her days with a man who finally loves her for who she is, you go girl! What really went down is that Jenny fucked a retard and settled due to her pathetic life and the insecurities that stemmed from being a shitbag for her whole shitty, hippy life. Jenny never landed that activist, who treated her just like her daddy did and had the facial hair to go along with the stickiest of the icky herb; so she landed the guy with a career and as a bonus he's easily manipulated because he has the IQ of a child.

 Feather goes mooooo!

Maybe no one made a fuss about this because Forrest could play ping pong and football and we all know all football players get degrees in molecular studies and play pro ball to fund their research.



Forrest, in all of his Skynet self awareness, asks Jenny if their kid is mentally handicap in the same way he is. So Forrest knows he has a mental ailment that may be hereditary but as long as he can still lay the pipe, who cares?

More like Forrest Hump

We never want to view men as being weak or victims. Think about it, male strippers make their fair share of money from tips, however, they never have regulars who just come in and talk to them. This is because the power has been taken from them, making them unappealing as anything more than a novelty for a bachelorette party. Who the fuck cares about what a weak/objectified man has to say? On the other hand, female strippers constantly have stalkers/senators and regulars that come in to "talk". Women have been pushed into that role in society and we feel comfortable with them being there for our viewing pleasure.

Jenny and Forrest go back to gender roles. Louis CK said when guys wanna hurt you they: kick your ass or burn your house down. Measurable pain that's tangible. When women hurt you it's from the inside. Can you really measure the level of shitheadness Jenny has ascended to? Before the practice of diagnosing mental retardation came into effect, could even the great delegator, Atticus Finch, prove Jenny's guilt? Women have tact and think things through more than men. Stereotypically women are irrational but men act more on impulse. Could you imagine if the roles were reversed and Forrest raped a handicap Jenny, with no tact?

Also, now the film has a love story and appeals to the female demographic with a relatable story. They might has well thrown, "how many times have you settled for an idiot with a good job?" on the cover.

Forrest: (in deep southern accent) Spread 'em, Jenny.
Jenny: (in handicap stutter) D-d-d-o you love me, Forrest?
Forrest: STFU and be still, Jenny.

It just sounds so much better with tact.

That doesn't sound like an academy award winner. As a matter of fact I bet he raped Wilson on the set of Castaway and is totally team Jacob...

Raped him with sticks.

Speaking of Team Jacob

Their are some pros and cons of choosing to be with a werewolf. For starters, once transformed, they can only get down in one position, doggystyle, they shed and there's that whole they can lick themselves thing, making them orally independent and who wants to be with someone who doesn't need you?

However, in human form their bodies look like this!



WTF? Did Zeus carve that guy out of stone? He is a fine specimen. Underage. But still fine. Taylor Lautner, as cut up and developed as his body may be was only 17 when this film came out and managed to become an international sex symbol, spawn countless fan clubs and left millions of women wanting to go paws to Jesus with a werewolf. I remember a while back when a certain young pop princess was on the cover of Rolling Stone baring a not so licentious amount of skin, a mid drift, to be exact.


It wasn't the amount of skin that caused all the hullabaloo. It was the fact that an underage girl was being viewed as an object of sexual rapture. How can one picture showing a girl less scantly dressed than a Mormon at Raging Waters cause every feminist, on every community college campus to simultaneously ignite all their bras? Even more so, how can all of those feminists, with all their disgust for men want to engage in coitus with a teen-wolf not named Michael J. Fox?

For you, Brit.
I said all your bras, bitches.

It's just hard wired into us to lust over the Britneys and the Taylors even without the media force-feeding them to us. Jacob would surely supply ample sperm for me and could easily father 25 strong offspring. Thanks to the 1-2 punch of evolution and food that's been hormone treated, the Britneys and Taylors will get younger and younger. There's no fighting it, the only thing we as a society can do is to tackle the difficult task of navigating gender roles and hypocrisy before it's too late and we have to go through a remake of Full House, in which, Michelle Tanner is played by an Asian boy in a wheelchair (Maddox Jolie Pitt) who has an oddly endearing relationship with Uncle Jesse and the producers have weekly power meetings in which they discuss ways to make him more sexy.

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